Flu.

After going to the Alive conference for 5 days, which was AWESOME by the way, I knew I was getting the flu. On the long 12 hr bus ride home, I felt exactly like I did on the day of Emily's wedding, it was unforgettable. Sure enough, I had influenza A.


Having the flu has taught me alot about myself and about my relationship with God, which have honestly not been that easy to learn :(
Ive seen how....
I value busyness, and find my value in it
I base my worth not on WHOSE I am, but more on WHAT I do. This can only lead to an emotional roller coaster and discontentment in the end...no wonder I felt slightly down all week.
I have an entitled spirit. I want things when I want them, and lack patience in the work that God is doing in me.

There are alot more that I can think of, but.....yeah. Thats true of me. Theres not a quick fix, but accepting that who I am now is not who I will be, and who I am at this moment is not who I will be even next year.

Why can I say that??? because of sanctification. The process thats going on where God is making me more like Jesus daily. Basically, He's making me more set apart. Maybe I dont notice it daily, but I can tell you that last year at this time I am not who I am today, and thats really really awesome.

Since Ive been sick, I think, even though this verse doesnt directly relate, it speaks to me of my disgusting self reliance : "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2 Cor 1:9


My prayer is that my heart would not give into these natural tendencies to rely on self and find worth apart from Christ. But, it has to start with You, God, softening the crispy edges of my hard heart to Your will, and let me be willing to surrender. Its hard to surrender, but its really the only way.