Why have I not written in so long?
Because my old way of life is creeping back in. And its not okay. Not that I am feeling much better, because in all honesty, Im feeling worse now than 2 weeks ago. But because I am forgetting what its like to rest in the Lord. I'm numbing my heart to my need for rest. My identity is so easily wrapped up in accomplishing, in having a full schedule.
There is a difference in giving way to busyness, and giving your life away out of an overflow of Christ's love. I could write a book about everything I'm learning right now in life, but anyways, I realized 2 things today-
1. I get lost in doing this job, in connecting with people and talking about God and listening to the hearts of others. It really brings you joy and life when you give your life away. I had 4 one on ones today, each awesome, each with different people with different struggles and different personalities and different life stories!
2. Since I have had mono and had to rest more, I've really been able to lose myself in God more, experience Him in ways that I thought I was "too busy" to before. Like a daily walk. You might think its weird, but every day when I take a walk and talk to God, He surprises me with at least 1 beautiful bird every time! Some days more than one, but every day at least one. I'm considering taking up birdwatching as a hobby no lie! My favorite bird so far is a small gray bird that at first appears kind of boring and plump, but when he opens his wings to fly, theyre bright periwinkle, the color of the sky on a summer evening right before a thunderstorm! I cant identify it yet, but its amazing to see, like a splash of color in a tree. I wish I had a picture to post!
Anyways, resting and really experiencing God is so important. I never stop discovering more of the depths of His love, am confused and in awe of grace that is given without doing anything to deserve it! I really want to live life a little slower. I dont want to forget the gift of getting enough sleep, burning a candle while I listen to music and read the Bible, journaling when I need to, taking prayer walks.....all the things that God has really allowed me to experience and live without believing the lie that the more I do, the more valuable I am. I know I want to be faithful to all that God has called me. But because of the cross, He has FREED me from just doing dead works so I can really serve Him!
Emilys having a baby! I am SO EXCITED. Im also a little like.....wow. Im selfish. nothing is about me..I've been single for I think 8 years now? We couldnt be in more different life stages. I always struggle with comparing myself to her, cuz not only is she married, but going to be a mom. Ever since I was like 3, I've wanted to be a mom. Maybe one day. Praise God I get to be an aunt though!!!! Its going to be the cutest baby in the world, and I'll spoil it and love it so much.
I should really write about the trip some of us took to New Orleans over spring break! It was so so refreshing and fun and awesome. I have to put some pics soon!
God is teaching me alot about His sovereignty, waiting on Him, accepting my lot in life, and being thankful. Its alot and its really good.
What should I be when I grow up?! I've been thinking about it lately. I dont know what I want to be! Except for sure radically obeying and living for Jesus and walking by faith, which begins today and everyday cuz that doesnt happen overnight.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for."
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