Long Overdue Update!

Wow, I have neglected to update my blog for some time now! Hopefully, if youre a supporter of me or close friend, you've received my update emails or talked to me in person!

Well, as I last wrote just before thanksgiving, I suppose I havent written that Emily is ENGAGED! It's a funny thing, because I prayed (along with alot of her other girlfriends) diligently that Jake would ask her to marry him by Thanksgiving. Thats honestly what I prayed daily for her, as her life in Spartanburg and away from Jake is just not where her heart is, and she needed that freedom to have the official title that reflected where her heart was with Jake. So, all that to say, the DAY BEFORE Thanksgiving, Jake asked her!!! They will be married in Forest City, NC (basically our home town) on April 18, 2009. I am so so excited for them- I have prayed for Emily and Jake since the summer of 2006, when they first met on Campus Outreach's summer beach project! He is also on staff with Campus Outreach, and ministers to students at Presbyterian college. I could not have hand picked someone better for her, but then again, God hand picked Jake, so thats way better than me doing the picking, lets be honest!

That might give you some insight into what I've been up to this holiday season- of course, meeting with as many people I can to share my ministry vision with them and raise up a team of supporters, begin planning Emilys wedding (yes, Kasey and I are the maids of honor!), working still at atlanta bread company part time, and actively seeking the Lord.

Over the past month, I have really enjoyed all the festivities that go along with Christmas, especially time with my family. Every year, we all go to Winston Salem to the Candle Tea (a Moravian Love Feast and tour at Old Salem), and the Nutcracker Ballet! We've been going since Emily and I were about 4 years old, and I still love it just as much as I first did! One other highlight at Christmas is attending the Christmas Eve service at church- it really reminds me of why we even celebrate Christmas, and helps me to worship Christ in my heart at Christmas. So often Christmas is simply all about the presents and the family time and everything colorful and beautiful and sweet tasting that we forget who and what the celebration is all about, and why we even have reason to celebrate.

This past week, I was able to travel to Washington, DC with Campus Outreach for the annual New Years Conference. This was the first time it was held in DC (it has traditionally been held in Atlanta for our region), but about 500 college students from Furman, Wofford, Presbyterian, Western Carolina, Virginia Tech, Radford Univ, Davidson, Elon, UNC-C, UNC-G, and Wingate crammed into the DoubleTree Hotel to learn more about God, and to explore what it means to be Legendary. The theme of the conference was LEGENDARY, which is truly relevant for this generation of college students-how do we view life, do we think about what we will leave behind when we die? How can we live now that will have an eternal impact? What does the reality of eternity mean for us?

I had one of the best weeks of the entire year there- although it was by far the most tiring, not only did God reveal so much about my own heart to me, but I was able to minister and give my life away the entire week. It confirmed in my heart once again, what God has called me to do with my life- give it away to college students, to become all things to all people that they might know more about the One who has given His life to save us! I lead 3 senior furman girls, and 2 of them were there, along with 2 freshman that I have been spending some time with! ! I cannot tell you how many doors and barriers that were broken down by the power of the Holy Spirit this week! Our room studied the Bible together, exploring verses like 1 John 2:17- "And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." and Galations 6:9- "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." All of these verses speak to us about the reality of eternity with God forever! And led us to ask ourselves questions like what does it mean for me to do God's will? What do I see as a reward, and what is truly a reward in God's eyes?

I would like to share one thing that really convicted my heart this week- for starters, this week I really felt God calling me deeper and deeper, to a place of surrender- surrendering every single thing, every plan, desire, wish, hope, dream, everything to Him. So if youre reading this blog post, would you please pray now that God would take me there? Anyways, one talk this week was all about how an internal heart change leads to an external change, in our actions. At the end of the talk, we were asked to write down 3 questions to apply to our own lives-
1. Is my deepest longing God's glory? Is my happiness wrapped up in myself, or Christ?
2. Do I proactively seek holiness as a lifestyle?
3. Am I a person willing to really dig in, spend time in, the Bible?

Along with this, Matt Bradner, the conference speaker, said on the first night- "God is committed to positioning us in situations that reveal our hearts, that reveal who we trust in."
I also got to thinking about whether or not I think my actions can change my heart....The reality is that they can't. The Kingdom of God must be from within. So, I think in my heart, I see a potential person, you know, an ideal- who you wish you were, and the sin in my heart wants to just change over night, to be there, to reach that potential now! Let's be real, thats impossible, and it is a process. So, what I have left that conference with is an authentic prayer to God, that He would refine me, change me, break me, even if it is so painful, even if I suffer. Those 3 questions that I asked myself also helped me to see little corners of my life that I keep for myself, that I don't want God to take control of, which ultimately, I am sacrificing joy and wholeness when I do this.!

Well, I feel like I have shared alot about DC! I appreciate your prayers, both for me and for my ministry. As the second semester of Furman starts, and I begin again attempting to raise these funds, I would love for you to pray that God would put it on hearts to join me in this ministry, that a team of financial supporters would be raised up. And for my own ministry right now, leading 3 girls that you can pray for, that I would lead them well, and that they would be drawn closer to God and spend time in the Word daily!

Phil 2:9-11
"Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

Double life...

All of us girls at the Grove Park Inn!

Me & some furman girls at the campus outreach fall retreat!! Jaycelyn (with the thumbs up) is one of the girls in my senior girls Bible study!

Heres the truth- i live a double life. It may not be what youre thinking, but here's the thing:

During the week, I live a pretty scheduled life in Greenville, with 5 other single girls, 4 of which are on staff with campus outreach. I love being there, living with Mary Beth who ministers to girls at Furman University! I love being able to hang out with furman students, go to weekly Bible studies at Mitchell Road Presbyterian church, and lead 3 senior girls! Its somewhat of a slice of what staff life will be like- I can't wait!!! On the other hand, I usually head to Rutherfordton, the town that I'm from, on Friday or saturday, depending on what I have planned. I spend alot of time with my family, and alot of time working on letters, phone calls, and meetings. I love being around my family, and i love getting to share with people about what God has called me to and what He's done in my life. But, I feel emotionally exhausted much of the time. I don't know if my time in south africa, where life was lived at a slower pace and we had plenty of time to spend with God, temporarily lowered my capacity or what, but I definitely feel worn out more easily than ever before.

I'm looking forward to thanksgiving in a couple of weeks! The icy weather lately hasnt been too exciting, because thats about how the weather was in south africa. But, i LOVE the holiday season!! I love the festive things we do as a family around christmas- here are my favorite traditions:

-going to the Nutcracker in Winston Salem!

-going to the candle tea in old salem!

-going to the southern living Christmas show!

ok, I will add more when I write next. If you read this, please pray that I would know what it means to rest in Christ. That i would trust Him to provide my financial support, and for discernment in when to rest and when not to! thank you to anyone who has prayed for me, or who supports me. I'm still in the beginning process of raising my funds, but every single support meeting so far has allowed me to see more of Christ and His big picture-establishing His kingdom here on earth. Please email me if you would like to chat- lowens773@gmail.com

phone calls.

Phone calls.
Thats what Ive been doing all night tonight. And I'm still not done.
So, I know phone calls are a BIG part of the support raising process, but no matter how many times Ive made them, I'm still nervous before I pick up the phone. But, its so refreshing to talk to people who are willing to meet, who are excited about how God is using me, and who offer ideas about what I could do to get the word out!
Right now, Im definitely like a juggler, juggling work, Bible studies, coming home on the weekends, time with God, meetings, etc. Its been cool thoough to see the small things that God has blessed me with, from my friends sending me encouraging emails and contacts to time with my sisters and mom and dad. Ive definitely seen the parental support and love in my parents!
Now, I have to highlight some of the things that I love-
-studying 2 timothy! I can really identify with Timothy...Paul tells him that God did not give us a spirit of timidity, which also means fear. Like Timothy, I can be a fearful, shy disciple lacking in confidence and unsure of my abilities. Its encouraging for me to hear what Paul has to say to Timothy about who we are as God's children.
-leading a Sr Girls bible study!!! It brings joy to my heart. I am really growing to love these girls!
-Mitchell Road Beth Moore study-well, for one, I get to hang out with Wendy who discipled me last year when I go! And to be around women of all ages who are growing in their walks with God
-spending time with Em and Kasey! This wkend, we got to go out to eat and to the Grove park inn, and watch movies. There is nothing like hanging out with them!!

If youre reading this, please continue to pray that God would raise up a team of people who desire to support me! I know God will provide, but the daily ups and downs of asking sometimes get to me. Also, please pray for the girls that I lead-Jaycelyn, Stephanie, and Laura, and of course for my relationship with Christ to be the most important thing in my life!!

Blessed

Ok, so I titled this post blessed, and for good reason! As you know, I'm now raising support in order to get onto a campus (WCU) as soon as possible. I'm definitely trusting God for this time, but quite honestly dont know where the funds will come from-God does though :)

In the past week, I have had 2 people offer to support me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a joy!!! It brings tears to my eyes, because trust me, it isnt often that people delight to give. It really comforts my spirit and renews me to continue on in this process. It has been such a blessing- One of my best friends (Jessica Pety) who was really a faith model in my life and died in a car crash earlier this year was going to Spain to do ministry there. She was my biggest encourager, and constantly told me that God could use me no matter what I was feeling! So it touches my heart that her mom offered to support me-I feel close to Jess as I hear from her, she has been such an encourager to me!

Also, a close friend named Amber offered to support me!! She's a grad student at ETSU for marriage and family therapy-so we both endured Furman University Psychology for many years! But like I said, getting emails like that really make my days bright and shine Gods faithful provision down on me.

Today is my sabbath for this week- Im cutting back working to 3 days a week now. This past weekend, I was able to go home to talk to my grandparents about me going on staff with Campus Outreach :) And, I got to go shopping with Kasey, my little sis. I absolutely love hanging with her and my twin sis, Emily. It is seriously one of my favorite things to do in the world! We had so much fun trying on clothes- the pics show our wacky outfits!

One thing that I have really enjoyed lately is leading a senior girls Bible study at Furman- 3 girls are in it, and were studying 2 Timothy! ! I just love talking about life with them, and talking about the Bible, about what it looks like to live as a Christian today. I am just so excited about it- I love how open the girls are with me, who is only 1 year older! Plus, 2 Tim is cool- Timothy was young and timid, and he kinda reminds me of me- so I can identify with what Paul is telling him- "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity...." I read where the word timidity also translates FEAR. I definitely struggle with fear! Fear of failure, fear of death, fear of the unknown, fear of suffering....

So, thanks to you who have kept me in your prayers! Please pray for support, and for my own devotion to God to grow and develop. For a thankful heart, not only in support raising but to my great family, who I am so quick to be blunt and harsh with. I love you mom & dad!

support!

tomorrow Im sending out my first 5 letters....yay! :)

please pray that I would walk freely in the light-laboring for JESUS alone!

a few pics!

Amber & me!!

The girls at the wedding!
HOMECOMING!!! Kasey, Em, Taylor, and me!
Kaye & I at Support Boot camp! It was so fun to stay with her! She also led our team to South Africa with her husband, Ben

Wherever I am...

Wherever I am, I want to live in light of God's will. God's plan. Sometimes it seems alot harder than other times to really know what God wants and where He is leading me. Before I began to follow Jesus, I cut my own trail, my own path to take me wherever my heart desired. It was alot easier in some ways, but easier isnt always better.

Well, I havent updated this in a few weeks, and its a sure sign that Im busy- too busy if you ask me. My life is consumed with work at Atlanta Bread, trying to sleep some, preparing to raise support (what I will live off of), and following God. Weekly, I am able to do some things that I love, namely a wednesday night Bible study with some older women at the church! We meet and talk about a Beth Moore study called Stepping Up...looking at the psalms of Ascent. I love it-so far, its been very applicable to my life. Recently I looked into how I do have alot of insecurities in who I am and in who God made me to be. Rather, I have identity issues- I try to find my worth in what I am rather than WHOSE I am. I am God's.

Work is fun! Its challenging to be joyful, as I get there around 6 or 7 often, and if you know me well, you know that Im a night owl. I pray alot, and love taking deliveries through downtown and some cool neighborhood homes. It is definitely a brightener too, to talk to people often. Ive been able to share with alot about what I am doing and what God has done in my life!

Last weekend, 2 fun things went on- I went with the team that went to South Africa to a wedding! A guy on our team got married!!! It was so so so much fun to be with the team. And, I went to Orlando Florida to a Support Raising Boot camp. Boy was it a marathon- we learned about how to raise funds, about what God says about raising support, and got to talk to and meet other missionaries from around the US. It was so good for my perspective on support raising!!!

However, Im overwhelmed. I am nervous, and trusting in God, but dont know when I will get to a campus to start ministry. I am so so so excited though!!!! The other night, I got to lead a senior girls Bible study at furman, and felt so excited- its a taste of what I will be doing on staff! If you read this, please pray that God would be my guide here in this time of uncertainty and fear to step out of my comfort zone into an unknown place.

Im believing psalm 32:8-
"I will intruct you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."