Double life...

All of us girls at the Grove Park Inn!

Me & some furman girls at the campus outreach fall retreat!! Jaycelyn (with the thumbs up) is one of the girls in my senior girls Bible study!

Heres the truth- i live a double life. It may not be what youre thinking, but here's the thing:

During the week, I live a pretty scheduled life in Greenville, with 5 other single girls, 4 of which are on staff with campus outreach. I love being there, living with Mary Beth who ministers to girls at Furman University! I love being able to hang out with furman students, go to weekly Bible studies at Mitchell Road Presbyterian church, and lead 3 senior girls! Its somewhat of a slice of what staff life will be like- I can't wait!!! On the other hand, I usually head to Rutherfordton, the town that I'm from, on Friday or saturday, depending on what I have planned. I spend alot of time with my family, and alot of time working on letters, phone calls, and meetings. I love being around my family, and i love getting to share with people about what God has called me to and what He's done in my life. But, I feel emotionally exhausted much of the time. I don't know if my time in south africa, where life was lived at a slower pace and we had plenty of time to spend with God, temporarily lowered my capacity or what, but I definitely feel worn out more easily than ever before.

I'm looking forward to thanksgiving in a couple of weeks! The icy weather lately hasnt been too exciting, because thats about how the weather was in south africa. But, i LOVE the holiday season!! I love the festive things we do as a family around christmas- here are my favorite traditions:

-going to the Nutcracker in Winston Salem!

-going to the candle tea in old salem!

-going to the southern living Christmas show!

ok, I will add more when I write next. If you read this, please pray that I would know what it means to rest in Christ. That i would trust Him to provide my financial support, and for discernment in when to rest and when not to! thank you to anyone who has prayed for me, or who supports me. I'm still in the beginning process of raising my funds, but every single support meeting so far has allowed me to see more of Christ and His big picture-establishing His kingdom here on earth. Please email me if you would like to chat- lowens773@gmail.com

phone calls.

Phone calls.
Thats what Ive been doing all night tonight. And I'm still not done.
So, I know phone calls are a BIG part of the support raising process, but no matter how many times Ive made them, I'm still nervous before I pick up the phone. But, its so refreshing to talk to people who are willing to meet, who are excited about how God is using me, and who offer ideas about what I could do to get the word out!
Right now, Im definitely like a juggler, juggling work, Bible studies, coming home on the weekends, time with God, meetings, etc. Its been cool thoough to see the small things that God has blessed me with, from my friends sending me encouraging emails and contacts to time with my sisters and mom and dad. Ive definitely seen the parental support and love in my parents!
Now, I have to highlight some of the things that I love-
-studying 2 timothy! I can really identify with Timothy...Paul tells him that God did not give us a spirit of timidity, which also means fear. Like Timothy, I can be a fearful, shy disciple lacking in confidence and unsure of my abilities. Its encouraging for me to hear what Paul has to say to Timothy about who we are as God's children.
-leading a Sr Girls bible study!!! It brings joy to my heart. I am really growing to love these girls!
-Mitchell Road Beth Moore study-well, for one, I get to hang out with Wendy who discipled me last year when I go! And to be around women of all ages who are growing in their walks with God
-spending time with Em and Kasey! This wkend, we got to go out to eat and to the Grove park inn, and watch movies. There is nothing like hanging out with them!!

If youre reading this, please continue to pray that God would raise up a team of people who desire to support me! I know God will provide, but the daily ups and downs of asking sometimes get to me. Also, please pray for the girls that I lead-Jaycelyn, Stephanie, and Laura, and of course for my relationship with Christ to be the most important thing in my life!!

Blessed

Ok, so I titled this post blessed, and for good reason! As you know, I'm now raising support in order to get onto a campus (WCU) as soon as possible. I'm definitely trusting God for this time, but quite honestly dont know where the funds will come from-God does though :)

In the past week, I have had 2 people offer to support me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a joy!!! It brings tears to my eyes, because trust me, it isnt often that people delight to give. It really comforts my spirit and renews me to continue on in this process. It has been such a blessing- One of my best friends (Jessica Pety) who was really a faith model in my life and died in a car crash earlier this year was going to Spain to do ministry there. She was my biggest encourager, and constantly told me that God could use me no matter what I was feeling! So it touches my heart that her mom offered to support me-I feel close to Jess as I hear from her, she has been such an encourager to me!

Also, a close friend named Amber offered to support me!! She's a grad student at ETSU for marriage and family therapy-so we both endured Furman University Psychology for many years! But like I said, getting emails like that really make my days bright and shine Gods faithful provision down on me.

Today is my sabbath for this week- Im cutting back working to 3 days a week now. This past weekend, I was able to go home to talk to my grandparents about me going on staff with Campus Outreach :) And, I got to go shopping with Kasey, my little sis. I absolutely love hanging with her and my twin sis, Emily. It is seriously one of my favorite things to do in the world! We had so much fun trying on clothes- the pics show our wacky outfits!

One thing that I have really enjoyed lately is leading a senior girls Bible study at Furman- 3 girls are in it, and were studying 2 Timothy! ! I just love talking about life with them, and talking about the Bible, about what it looks like to live as a Christian today. I am just so excited about it- I love how open the girls are with me, who is only 1 year older! Plus, 2 Tim is cool- Timothy was young and timid, and he kinda reminds me of me- so I can identify with what Paul is telling him- "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity...." I read where the word timidity also translates FEAR. I definitely struggle with fear! Fear of failure, fear of death, fear of the unknown, fear of suffering....

So, thanks to you who have kept me in your prayers! Please pray for support, and for my own devotion to God to grow and develop. For a thankful heart, not only in support raising but to my great family, who I am so quick to be blunt and harsh with. I love you mom & dad!

support!

tomorrow Im sending out my first 5 letters....yay! :)

please pray that I would walk freely in the light-laboring for JESUS alone!

a few pics!

Amber & me!!

The girls at the wedding!
HOMECOMING!!! Kasey, Em, Taylor, and me!
Kaye & I at Support Boot camp! It was so fun to stay with her! She also led our team to South Africa with her husband, Ben

Wherever I am...

Wherever I am, I want to live in light of God's will. God's plan. Sometimes it seems alot harder than other times to really know what God wants and where He is leading me. Before I began to follow Jesus, I cut my own trail, my own path to take me wherever my heart desired. It was alot easier in some ways, but easier isnt always better.

Well, I havent updated this in a few weeks, and its a sure sign that Im busy- too busy if you ask me. My life is consumed with work at Atlanta Bread, trying to sleep some, preparing to raise support (what I will live off of), and following God. Weekly, I am able to do some things that I love, namely a wednesday night Bible study with some older women at the church! We meet and talk about a Beth Moore study called Stepping Up...looking at the psalms of Ascent. I love it-so far, its been very applicable to my life. Recently I looked into how I do have alot of insecurities in who I am and in who God made me to be. Rather, I have identity issues- I try to find my worth in what I am rather than WHOSE I am. I am God's.

Work is fun! Its challenging to be joyful, as I get there around 6 or 7 often, and if you know me well, you know that Im a night owl. I pray alot, and love taking deliveries through downtown and some cool neighborhood homes. It is definitely a brightener too, to talk to people often. Ive been able to share with alot about what I am doing and what God has done in my life!

Last weekend, 2 fun things went on- I went with the team that went to South Africa to a wedding! A guy on our team got married!!! It was so so so much fun to be with the team. And, I went to Orlando Florida to a Support Raising Boot camp. Boy was it a marathon- we learned about how to raise funds, about what God says about raising support, and got to talk to and meet other missionaries from around the US. It was so good for my perspective on support raising!!!

However, Im overwhelmed. I am nervous, and trusting in God, but dont know when I will get to a campus to start ministry. I am so so so excited though!!!! The other night, I got to lead a senior girls Bible study at furman, and felt so excited- its a taste of what I will be doing on staff! If you read this, please pray that God would be my guide here in this time of uncertainty and fear to step out of my comfort zone into an unknown place.

Im believing psalm 32:8-
"I will intruct you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."

Its late...

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."


Im sitting at our kitchen table, all 5 of my rommates are sleeping. For some reason, I really cant sleep and wanted to work on my Beth Moore study. Im so rational, sometime it makes for a boring time!
Im listening to one of my favorite contemporary Christian cds, called "The I Heart Revolution" by Hillsong United, and I absolutely love that it is live recorded. On all the songs, a crowd is singing with them, and it reminds me of big conferences where everyone is praising and singing to God! It reminds me that we as creatures here on earth really often fail to think upon and meditate on God Himself...singing songs of worship to Him is one of the coolest things we can do!!Its like, does it take big conferences to get us to connect with Him? thats a good question, and makes me think about my own life alot.
I have to work at 7 am tomorrow...today I got to talk with my boss about the end times, you know, its rare that people, even Christians, really talk about when Jesus will return. But it was cool, I have alot to learn about theology and everything, its scary and puts eternity into perspective.
Well, that verse in Matthew is my prayer, that I would seek first HIM. Christ above all. Its not easy to do, I am finding that out, how I am thankful for campus outreach and opportunities that call into focus what truly matters, that minimizes distractions. I have to admit that I am way less disciplined than I thought I was, and desperately long to rely on God like I did in south africa.
Im going to bed thankful- Beth Moore just asked us to write a little bit about what our lives would be like if God hadnt stepped in and captured our heart. No doubt my life would be strikingly different. I wrote something like, "Well, I would definitely have dated guys for the sake of dating, probably engaged by now to someone who just attends church but doesnt live for Christ, would have an entirely different wardrobe complete with revealing attire, and def be on the track to getting my PhD in something psychology related. Oh, and be obsessed with my looks and my ranking in society, or whatever social group." But how glorious. I am so so so thankful, here I am, learning how to live a life that is set apart, learning how to love Christ, experiencing the call of God for all that it is, and I am truly thankful!

"There is nothing like Your love.."

Waiting

I just purchased the new Matt Wertz cd on itunes...theres a song called Waiting on it that I really identify with right now in my life-

Im Waiting
All of my life been waiting
To get it right
But that still seems like its so far away
Im taking
All the advice Im given
Trying to find out
How a kid like me becomes a man

Cuz I guess Im just scared
Im the only one here
Growing old
Growing old but not quite growing up....

So lets see where am I at in life right now? The short answer is right where God wants me. And I believe that with all my heart and all that is in me. So, I think that song identifies alot of the fears that I am facing right now, even some struggles that Im going through...
-Im living in the Furman girls campus outreach staff house, so that makes 6 of us girls in all :) I love living with Christians who want to grow closer to Jesus in daily life, and who cause me to know more of Him.
-specifically, I live with Marybeth, who is on staff at furman, and discipled Emily last year..I really love it, because I get a glimpse of what staff life will be like, and also feel like she has a more inside understanding of who I am already because she knows em so well.
-I am in a discipleship group with Jacqui and Ellen, both on office staff with campus outreach, and I already feel like we can connect and go deep with one another!! Im so thankful to be a part of the group, it has been a huge blessing to be included in, and to be with 2 older women who are wise yet so humble.
-I am working part time at atlanta bread co..catering!!! I actually do like it, seeing as how I have worked some pretty hardcore jobs in the food industry, time flies when youre making sandwiches ;) its very humbling, yet i do feel as if the Lord led me here-my boss and her husband that own ABC are christians! and, of all the places I applied to...namely B and B works, YMCA, petco, home depot, and staples, it was the only place that called me back!! Can you believe that!?!? I mean, i just graduated from Furman...where I worked so hard your eyeballs would pop out when you heard how much sleep i didnt get while there.
-I am so so so thankful that my parents are supporting me and loving me where Im at right now. After sending me to the college of my choice, which costs a fortune, they have been nothing but understanding and loving to me right now. I am seeing more and more how blessed I am that my heavenly father provided me with an earthly father that displays a character that helps me to understand Him more closely and a mother who only wants the best for me...i am about to cry just thinking about them...I know my decision to go on staff has to be very hard to hear as a parent.
-I will hopefully start raising support soon! Which means, because i will be a full time college missionary, I have to raise all my funds, being supported by people who want to send me to the field to harvest workers for Gods kingdom. I am excited, but nervous about it, but i am trusting God to provide.
-This has been a season of sheer trust in the Lord- i was telling someone today that i really feel like i am blindfolded and God is leading me. Some days are great, some days I cant believe my life- what is a type A, planner outer, academic nut like me doing!? But, my life has been radically reshapen and completely changed by the gospel, by Jesus Himself, and I am ready and willing to use this new heart and life lived for God alone to advance the kingdom, grow closer to Jesus, share my life with college students full time!!
-I am doing a Beth moore bible study with the women at the church i go to - women from my age to 60 something are in it! I love it..I love being around grown women seeking to live in the light, know God more! Raise families centered around Jesus. Its so encouraging and I see that we are never too old to grow in our relationship with Him.
-i have been able to see Emily at least once a week! Please pray for her, working forty hours a week answering phones is probably the most draining thing emily owens could ever be doing, whatsmore, I dont think God created her spirit to do systematic work, its like stifling a rainbow and painting it gray :(
-I have been able to see some of my best friends over this past month, esp from this summer!
- I really miss south africa, the slower pace and community.........

Time keeps on slippin...

Emily starts work tomorrow, and tomorrow I move to Greenville. I was listening to Emily's ipod the other day and this kutless song-the lyrics of my life currently:


I thought I had it all under control
I thought my fate was still in my hands
All of my plans were firmly set
By the words that I say

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
Though I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams


Well, its definitely true that God has really changed my entire mindset, and the outcome has been a giving up of my own plans. I think its been hard at times for my parents and for me in terms of my expectations of myself in their eyes, but its only out of obedience and reliance on God that I make these decisions that puzzle them.
Please pray for me in the time of transition, and that it would surely bring me closer to Jesus. There is just something about home sweet home that grips my heart-I never really look forward to leaving it! Maybe its just that I dont like growing up, and I wont lie, I hate it really....

Family Vacay!

Me and Kasey- she baked me a Welcome Home chocolate cake!
me and Em-notice the short haircut (i asked for an inch, she took 3 or 4)
Em and her sweetheart, Jake! He is definitely the guy for her!
the 3 musks! our facial expressions reveal our personalities ;)

the best dad in the world under our "sturdy" umbrella. Wish the worlds greatest mom were also in the pic, but she's camera shy.

Only in America!!

IM BACK!! Well, I only titled this post "Only In America" because that's one of the songs that I've added to my iopd lately. For starters, it feels good to be back in the summer sun, taking long showers, hanging out with the family, and resting. But I have to admit, I miss South Africa, and more than that, I miss the team!! At first it was a hard adjustment for me, to go from living with 3 girls that have become like sisters to me to being back at home!
The trip back was easier than the trip there, but God definitely used it to bring me closer to Him and to continue to build dependency on Him (Ive decided that this is definitely the theme of my life right now, no lie). I couldnt believe it when we finally arrived in D.C., and I could use my cell phone again!! The whole way to Greenville, it felt unreal- I think part of me felt like I would never make it back in one piece. God is good-He was faithful on all the take offs and landings!! So, dad greeted me in the airport :) It was great.
Since I've been back, our family took a week long vacation to Isle of Palms, which was fantastic because I love summer, and I got to enjoy the beach, the sun setting at 8:30 (3 more hours than Africa!!), and watching the Olympics. I'm thankful that mom and dad were willing to wait for me for the vacation, and it was probably one of the most fun vacations I have ever taken- we stayed at the coolest and nicest beach house I've ever been in!!! It was so fun- my favorite thing I did was take a bike ride through Wild Dunes (where we were staying)- I absolutely love riding and walking through neighborhoods, and it was just the right temperature! Jake came for a few days, which is always fun, and I really mean it.
Spiritually, some of the coolest things for me have been studying the Bible with Emily and Kasey! We have been studying Ephesians together, and we talk about real, deep things all the time...we had a great talk on a walk the other day that I will never forget. I have thought about the girls in Africa alot, and even emailed with a few. All the things that I experienced, all that God taught me, has really changed my heart- it has shown me that if I am willing, God can use me, and that Jesus has radically changed my life and can radically change anyone's life, no matter who they are. Which leads me to this- I really feel that God has a unique plan for my life, like He does for everyone's life, and I am fighting hard right now to trust that. I had a talk with the campus outreach director, and we are prayerfully considering that I would go on staff with Campus Outreach. Be a full time missionary to college students here in America :) That is the desire of my heart. Right now, Im excited but also scared about the future, I fear failure sometimes, and I know that the process for going on staff isnt easy-raising support is a process that I feared in going to South Africa, and the task seems overwhelming. But I am trusting that if God does want me on staff, He will provide me a team of supporters who will send me to do God's will. Once again (like the start of this summer), I am so aware of how out of control of my life I am and how in control of my life God is!! Im very thankful for all the people that supported me financially and in prayer this summer, and for my close sisters in Christ like Jennifer, Taylor, Wendy, Christine, Ashton, and Brittni who have encouraged me and continue to point me to Christ, not myself!
Its weird but cool to be back in Rutherfordton- in High School, I wasnt a Christian, so the way I lived here was definitely in the dark..but how amazing is it that life is so different now? Freedom. Thinking about this fall, if I had accepted going to grad school, I would have started today....I'm thankful God changed my heart and sent me to South Africa this summer!! Here are some things I am so so thankful for since I have arrived at home sweet home:
-sleeping in!!
-watching movies and tv, i never loved them until now!(High School musical and the Office)
-talking to my parents and sisters FACE TO FACE!!
-sugary cereal
-the beauty of summer nights
-songs that bring me closer to Jesus
-working out at the gym!
-deep conversations with Emily
-phone calls from the girls on the team!

I will update later...thanks for anyone who has prayed for me, and is praying for me!! ;) Please pray for my decisions about staff, and the usual, TRUST in the Lord!!

Going home....

Well..its almost time to head back to America. On tuesday, our team will go out for lunch then to the airport to go through customs- i think the flight is 18 hours!! Im not looking forward to it at all.
Im sitting in a Brazillian coffee shop in menlyn mall, making one last phone call to Em! I cant believe that our time in Pretoria is almost up- Elna's house definitely feels like home to me. I dont think I can sum up my time in SA right now, but I do know that God has been so faithful to me, really met me here this summer, and has grown me in so many ways!! I am so thankful for the girls that i have grown to love like sisters, for my partnership with Ashton and Charity, and for the ways that I have seen God more clearly and deeply.
Im really sad that this summer is drawing to a close, but happy to see the fam soon! Thanks for anyone who has prayed for me here, and continues to remember me in prayer- I am so grateful. I will keep up this blog hopefully because my journey does not end here, I will be on this adventure to know more of God and to make God known until I die.
Next time I write I will be home!!!

Welcome to the Princess Palace!

Well, thats a picture of our door! The Princess Palace consists of the girls that live in the main house at Elna's- me (Ariel), Teenie (Cinderella), Ashton (Belle), and Sara (Sleeping Beauty).Our room has gotten really close this summer (or winter). I think thats the thing that I will miss the most about South Africa- living with these girls! Ashton and I are ministry partners, and although were very different, she is definitely one of my best friends- we balance eachother out really well, and I feel like we are sisters! Other than my room, I've also gotten to know Brittni real well!!
So, time is getting shorter and shorter in South Africa. A week from today, we will be packing our suitcases and preparing to leave. Next tuesday, we're going out to lunch one last time at Nando's (one of my favorites!!!!) and then heading to Johannesburg to fly out around 6 PM, 12 PM american time. Please pray if you think about it, Im really nervous- we have to take off and land a total of 3 times before reaching home sweet home in Greenville, SC. But, I dont want to think about leaving just yet, and part of me isnt ready to-theres still a week of stuff to be done here in SA!
Lately, Ashton and I have been very busy- the pics below are some highlights of our week! We went shopping with Charity on Friday and had dinnter at Mugg and Bean (the closest thing to like a nicer Panera Bread) and then went to a Christian Rock and Rap concert put on by campus outreach with Hadi and Neikkie. The pic below is a pic of Neikkie and I with the lead singer of the Afrikaans Christian rock band- I dont know the name because it isnt in english, and the entire time that band played, I had no clue what they were singing or saying- but, they seemed very popular. On saturday, our team went to a pro soccer game-manchester united vs the chiefs. I stuck it out the 1st half, but pulled out my book the 2nd half. It was very crowded and kind of scary, but cool to get to say that Ive seen the number 1 team in the world (manu) play soccer! We went on a group date with another res of guy called Maroela (pronounced Ma rule a) to Mugg and Bean for milkshakes, then to see the new batman (SA is a week behind the US).
So, now im sitting in Mugg and Bean paying to use the net so that I can also use Skype. Im thankful to have a day of rest.
Some of the cool things that God has taught me this past week is that He is in control and over all things, and that no matter what we are going through or how the day goes, He deserves to be praised. I think before I came to SA, I had a view that limited God- kind of like, I will serve you if___ or because life is going good, etc. But, being here and being stretched alot and really having to rely on Jesus to make it through the days sometimes, I have really seen that God is superior in life, and in everything, even small things. It has made me appreciate that I can talk to people, even in another country, about Jesus- the message is for anyone and everyone, no matter where they are in life. This past week, I got to share my life story with a girl named Amo-even though she isnt a Christian, she is attracted to the message of it-that we are free, new creations when we give our life to Jesus!! Something is holding her back, and it could be that morality, the good things that we do, are what makes us a Christian or not in her mind- but if that were the case, then we'd all be climbing up a mountain that had no peak, because everyone knows that for one thing, our motivations for doing good arent always pure, and for another thing, thats a legalistic life lived in pursuit of doing good, not God.
Anyways, it has been one awesome summer- i have gotten to really rest in God and come to know more and more about ministry than ever before!! Hopefully I will get to update this before we leave!! Until next time-

Fun times with Jasmyn girls!!!

T.I.E.

T.I.E.....this is Elna's. Thats the title of this blog entry, a play on the saying T.I.A. (this is africa...a kind of derogatory statement suggesting that anything can happen in africa-its africa, not america!) So, why do i say T.I.E.? Well, because thats what the whole team has been saying lately, as our power went out about 5 times in 2 days! Elna is the lady who owns this guesthouse and makes us breakfast every morning, takes care of us, lives here, etc. So, this past week, we had terrible power issues-once, we left and it was out, came back and it was on for about 20 minutes, then it went out again. It was bad- we lived by the light of a candle. One night, I simply crawled into bed at 10 PM, like a character out of one of those American Girl books. It was depressing. But on the good side, the power people (they have been here at least 20 times this summer, no joke) installed something to where we can flip the breaker when it goes out instead of it going out for hours.
So, this past week was our first week on the campus of TUKS! (the university of Pretoria). On sunday, we had a day of fasting and prayer, which honestly made me kinda weary about going on the campus, the gears seemed to change so quickly from all fun and games to strategic ministry, which is our purpose here, to really bring people into the ministry of Campus Outreach here, to build up laborers on the campus that have a heart for the lost, and to share with people who dont have a relationship with Jesus. So, on Monday at 3 PM, Ashton and I went to Jasmyn to begin ministry. We are following Charity, a girl on staff here with CO, who lived in Jasmyn when she was a student. Its also cool because Emily ministered in Jasmyn last summer, and let me just say that probably at least 2 times a day, people have hugged me and thought i was emily!
So, each day this week we went to the dorms and 3 and got picked up around 9:30. In the mornings, we have ministry training, time to read the Bible, prayer groups, and free time. Each time in the res, Ashton and I visit different girls that Charity has already begun building relationships with, basically sit and talk to girls for hours...it can be very draining. But we also have 3 Christian girls, Megan, Hadi, and Nomfundo that we are hanging out with and doing Bible studies with, and that is my favorite part. This weekend, we went to the movies and out to dinner with 3 girls! Then on Sunday we went to the opening night of Tuks missions week with some of the girls, it reminded me of a big rally at something like the JWC or ATL in the states. It was cool because the topic was missions, like what are we called to do about the 6,000 people groups that have never heard the name of Jesus? Its definitely something to think about, even though I halfway across the world, I am telling people about Jesus who have heard of Him, you know, the way its common to hear about Him in Sunday school and even get baptized, but thats alot different than really giving control of your life to Him and daily laying down your life. I think thats the hardest thing, is to shatter the myth about what Christianity is (and I find that to be true both here and in the US)- just because you read the Bible, go to church, or were raised in a Christain home doesnt mean you are a Christian. Being a Christian is about loving God and making God known...and loving God above all else, even good things like family, work, whatever,...and making Him known means that whatever you do wherever you are, if you believe, you tell others. This is hard to communicate to people, and I am praying the verse 1 Peter 3:15 for my time in Jasmyn: "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect" So, I want to live and share with gentleness and respect, but always be prepared to share...and it has been great to be able to really rejoice when i get to mention Christ's name as the One that I trust, even if i am not giving a full out talk about my faith.
Some fun things that have happened lately- Christine's bday (21st!) was on Saturday, so me and my roomies here got up at 6 AM and baked her a cake! (we had to make the icing because here in SA, theres no icing you can buy!) and we decorated the door and the room, and put her presents out like Christmas morning!!! It was great, we woke her up singing happy birthday, and that night, all the girls went out to eat at this nice cafe, and watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 days!!! It was so fun. Today was my sabbath- I spent it at the mall, paid too much money to call mom and dad and emily, and went shopping. I'll be honest, the fashion here is more metro than it is in the US...I couldnt find anything that I really loved, although I have worn all my clothes so so much, I couldnt find anything that I loved- there are stores like Guess, Levi's, and even some Gap clothes, but theyre all too expensive! Mom would be proud that I refused to shop anything but the sales (plus, I have no idea how I'm going to fit all this in my suitcases)
Well, I'll leave with some random thoughts-
-we only have about 2 weeks left! Its weird to think that...
-our room is now named Princess Palace..we all colored pictures of Disney princesses and decorated our door (Im Ariel!! of course)
-People on our team are overusing South African lingo...its very annoying, they say "Ah, Shame!!" and "as well" after everything, and the a sounds like a mix between O as in ostrich and A as in apple
-A girl became a Christian this week! Christine led her to Christ!!!!!:)

Some pics from SA

Ashton, Hadi, Me, and Charity at TUKS Missions week night!
Me, Brittni, and Christine on her Birthday :)
Jasmyn, thats where im at for about 6 hours a day-looks like a hotel! 600 students live there, its like a sorority in the US.
Heres a pic of the bird we saw on the safari!!

Back from the Safari!

Well, I got to go to Menlyn mall today and as you can see, uploaded 3 pics (after about 10 tries!) but the labels will not work in order!!
So, our team is safely back from the Safari, no one got snagged by any wild animals, but people came close! Not really, but one of the guys on our team did chase wildebeasts once or twice, and for about 3 nights, the boys had their hearts set on catching an Impala (they travel up to 80 km, so all the girls knew that was never going to happen!)
On Tuesdy morning, we woke up @ 4:30 to go on a safari from 6-9 AM...it was freezing! The bus e rode in had no windows or top, so the wind was frightfully chilly! That was a little hard for me to be joyful, plus I fell asleep a couple of times. But, I love animals, and it was gorgeous!! Our team took our vans out a few more times to look for animals, and that was way better than the guided safari! Some of my favorite things we saw were- lions, Elephants and a baby one too, giraffes, hippos, zebras, warthogs, impalas, and kudus. One day, we saw a little bird that was beautiful- it seriously looked like cotton candy colors!! That was one of my favorite things we saw- I would post a picture but my camera deleted all my safari pics. So, we stayed in tents that thankfully had plugs and beds in them, and I stayed with Teenie (christine). Every night, we went to bed after dinner and got up early to go back on the Safari trails. Before the safari, I wasnt too excited about the wilderness, but God was faithful like He always is- it was fun and revealed more of God's wonderful creation to me. I listened to my ipod while we were drving through the canyons and wild grass, as the sun was rising and the skies were clear and blue, and really felt like I could meet with God :)
Our team also went to Sun City, kind of reminds me of an amusement park, where Christine, Brittni, Josh H., and Brinck did the worlds largest zip line!! I really wanted to do it, but there werent any more spots, so I did the next best thing- watch and film! It was soo cool, I think Emily would have loved it too! Then Friday we went to the market-it was so chilly but cool to see authentic african gifts.
So I cant believe that its already July 12! As of monday, we will be in the res for the next 3 weeks. Pray that my heart would be all here in SA, and that I woud be bold and have a heart for the girls in my res, which is called Jasmyn (said like Yaz-mane). Its ironically the exact same res that emily was in! So Im excited about getting to talk about what I have given my life for and why I am even here- Jesus! I am studying Colossians, and recently I think Gods been teaching me about what it means to live a new life, walking in the light in truth and holiness as opposed to the way I used to live gratifying my own desires, trying to write my own life. But, Im convicted of ways that even now I still live in the dark, and know that God can change my heart, so I am praying that He would! Thats my prayer for Emily, Kasey, and the whole CCP team and LP, that we wouldnt settle for where we are now with Jesus-that growth and change would be our desires.
So, here are some random things about CCP so far:
-Emily's Emu boots have been life savers!! Even though i thought they looked funny and hesitated to bring them, I have worn them 24/7!
-Mom and dad sent me a package with snacks!!! :)
-We are having a day of prayer tomorrow
-Our power continues to go out often
-It looks like winter here today- it usually looks like October, but today it looks like January
-I love the girls that I live with!!!

Thats all for now ;)

Pics!

Just another Sunday in Pretoria!

well, we're back from our trip to Magogong! And I have to say, Elna's house (our guesthouse here in pretoria) reallllly feels like home! When we arrived, there were even gifts waiting for us on our pillows :) Guess what mine was?......A coke light and a teen magazine!!!!! It was seriously awesome. you know how much i love magazines too!
So, to update on my time here as of now- I DID NOT get the flu or throw ups!! Praise God, and I am serious. Half of the team was so sick that half of us had to stay here in Pretoria while the rest went on to Magogong last Saturday, and then 5 of us drove down on Monday. So, I was in the group that stayed back for 2 days, and for those 2 days, we watched 2 movies and spent alot of time driving around tyring to purchase space heaters (unsuccessful) and reading/journaling. Then we took a 7 hour drive to the Northern cape- the drive was through country roads that run through no major cities, past alot of squatter camps that look like shacks made with material found randomly. I really saw how poor South Africa is on that drive! And the towns that we passed through looked so old timey like they were out of the 80s or something! It was weird.
To sum up the week- it was really fun getting to do vacation bible school for the children- my group was me, Ashton (my MP!), Allie, Josh H, and Brinck. Every day our schedule was like this- bfast @ 6:45, leave @ 7:15, get to the townships at 8, have the camps from 9-12, then go back to the church where we all met for lunch that started at 2, then afternoons for naps and mandatory stuff, and dinner at 6. The hardest thing about the week was the language barrier- all the kids spoke Tswane and couldnt understand me, and also patience because i got assigned to work with the preschoolers, basically kids that were too young to have been there. God really taught me alot about what it means to be like Christ, who loved the children, looked on the poor and needy with compassion and love, and my smiles and doing sillly motions to songs and stuff that isnt my natural tendency is a way to be likeJesus to the kids. They loved me!! I would hold two little girls at one time in my lap- it was so precious and tender. Some cool things about the week:
-I got to share my testimony at the camp
-I really fought to find joy in God
-Every day Ashton and I would pray for eachother
-I feel like I pushed myself in alot of ways to really be there and deal with frusteration- the days were loooong and very cold
-Am so grateful for the ways God has blessed me with my family and all the cool things i take for granted like water that is clean! (the water there tasted bad)
Some hard things:
-The volunteers werent all Christians, so it was hard to communicate on the same level as them (they were like 15 years old)
-Lunch was served at 2!! that was hard to be patient
-It reminded me of Clubhouse, and was emotionally hard
-I got really upset on the way back about driving and felt unsafe, and freaked out...then Ben called us girls out in front of the team-im still working through this one, so you can pray that I wouldnt always want to be right (isnt that funny emily owens?)
-barely had enough alone time or time with Jesus

So, yesterday was my sabbath- I went to menlyn mall and talked to Em!! and downloaded some cartoons to watch when I am scared or late at night. Then we had a team barbeque! I really love the girls that i am living with, last night we stayed up talking till 1 something. today we went to church at the church plant, then went to lunch (i had Anats :) )

We leave for the Safari tomorrow, till thursday. I am actually getting excited about it, news that we will have bathrooms and plugs i think, plus the fact that we are going to go to a place in south africa like a mini Las vegas is fun!!! I cant believe the summer is halfway up, although it feels like we have been here for a looong time. Well, here are some things you can pray for me for-

pray that i would really trust in Jesus with all my heart!! that psalm 62:5-8 would be true
and that I would not just exist here, that i would be all here and sharing my heart constantly, and that i would be changed to be more like Christ! I have felt stretched alot lately, and am tempted to just step back and make it through, but sanctification comes through suffering and perseverence.

Thats all for now!

some pics so far!

week 3...or something like that

Another week has passed in South Africa! Right now, I am typing this on Word, sitting in Steers, a fast food joint similar to Jack in the Box in the US. Me, Cnorm, Katie G, and Ashton are running errands with Ben to get stuff together for our trip to the Northern Cape. It begins tomorrow at 7:15 AM sharp! And will take about 6 hours to get there…we are going to do Vacation Bible School with Afrikaans and Tswana speaking children in a township there. But rest assured, our team will be safely staying in a guesthouse nearby. Every day the camp will be from 9-12, it sounds to me much like a 3 hour clubhouse session every day. Im pretty nervous about all the community that’s going to be goin down, just seems overwhelming (we are going with some people from the local church CO partners with in Pretoria) and its supposed to be much colder there than it is in Pretoria L. We will be there from Saturday to Saturday, so please pray!
Speaking of the weather outside being frightful (which it is only in the mornings and nights), Ive been in the Christmas spirit, playing some Amy Grant and Mariah Carey for my quiet times. Tis the Season! It reminds me of October here, or Novemeber at times. During the day though, it is amazing weather. It has only sprinkled once one morning, but it was sunny the rest of the day. This past week, we have been sanding and staining the windows, doors, and banisters of the Miedema’s house. The days were long and sometimes hard, but the weather was perfect, hot enough for shorts and t shirts. Today was our Sabbath- but because of all the stuff that we have to get, Im here. It was fun running errands, we went to a Christian Book store that was so cool, and a place like Sam’s Club to get snacks J Some people went to the market, but I chose not to because it was in Joburg, and I absolutely hate the drive there. There will definitely be another trip sometime this summer, so I will probably get to go.
On another note, prepare yourself: the flu AND throw ups are running their course in the CCP. So far, two people have had the throwups and 2 people potentially have the flu L So please please pray that I would not catch it. I cant think of anything more miserable than getting the flu or throw ups, especially not being at home or being hours away at the northern cape.
The last week here has been good overall, as usual, I have been learning what it means to die to myself. For example, I have not straightened my hair since the JWC. Now that may not seem like death, but I also haven’t even been allowed to use my hair dryer for the last 3 days. Okay, Im really only half joking-I am really am learning about suffering, and do often feel poor and weak in character here. Pray that I would be patient and trust in the Lord for His provision here and for His plan for my life. Until next time, I will leave you with some positives/negatives :}

Plus:
-have really gotten to have good conversations with some people on the team
-had choc cake with choc icing for Bens birthday!
-really have grown to love the 3 girls that I live with

Minus:
-had a dance party last night on the spot, and of course I didn’t participate, but it brought up some issues with my identity and who I am
-Im really scared of getting the flu
-I haven’t been able to go to the gym but a few times
that’s it for now :}

life in south africa!

Well i have been in south africa for 2 weeks now, but it feels like 2 months. So far i feel very comfortable at the Golden Eagle Guesthouse, our comfy MtV crib. :) Today is my sabbath, and i got to do one of my favorite things- sit outside on the balcony and chat with Em!!!
This week for the first time I have felt homesick and really out of control- God is teaching me alot about how much i want to handpick my life and have control myself, about how much i love comfort, and about how selfish I am. Even though we dont even have it bad here, some comforts that i have had to give up have really stretched me and made me see how much i really depend on things that are beautiful in my eyes to satisfy me. for example, it is depressing to me that there are no gorgeous suburbs or shooping centers here.
So last week we went to the JWC, like our ATL here, from sunday to friday. It was at a camp, defintitely not the hotels at our atl, but beautuiful. The good thing was that it wasnt as cold at all as the jwc last year!! Overall, the whole experience taught me alot about myself and about how much i rely on muyself in ministry and not God. I really got to know my ministry partner, Ashton better!! But it was a hard week for me, just feeling far from God at times and striving to realte to the girls in my room from the res was very hard.
this week I have felt somewhat tired of not being able to be independent, but I am content in the Lord here..I feel like He is revealing enough of Himself to me, but I also am still struggling with the reality of God. I am excited to be doing some labor at Paula and Haileys house this week ( they are on staff) and to be back together with the team. I love our team :)
Here are somehighlights of this week:
-hiking up a beautiful gorge with Christine and Brittni
-getting to share my testimony with Lesh ( a girl in Jasmyn Res in my room)
-hanging out with Ashton!
-going out to dinner at cafe 41
-praising God in all different languages at the JWC
-praying for the students at the JWC

now for some hard things
-feeling stretched thin
-had a couple breakdowns
-missing em
-had to fix toilets like 5 times
-sometimes seeing the end of CCp as the end

I will write sometime this week maybe, we have the net at our house :)

were here!!!!

well were here!!!
this is going to be short cuz Im at an internet cafe and only have about 10 minutes left!!!

We made it safely to South Africa! After the awful bumpy plane ride ( i felt so out of control-the most I have ever felt) we landed in SA a week ago today. It feels like a month.
I am writing so that you know that God has been faithful-not only in providing for my physical needs, but emotionally as well. I actually like some of the food here, and we have been able to go to some fun places like menlyn mall (kind of reminds me of charlotte nc) and pic n pay :)
it is def different here than in the us-the toilets dont flush alot and we have had the electricity go out a couple of times.
some things that have been hard for me are my trusting in the Lord and fear here. I feel unsafe, esp when we are drving. And I have not had internet access at the house, but it should be fixed soon!
I am in the same dorm that em was in and my ministry partner is ashton!! i am so excited to go to the dorms and share! And i am learning so much about Jesus here- I want to continue to grown in my identity in Christ and really be willing to do anything for HIs sake. I have seen alot of my self focus here as well.
We are going to teh JWC, like ATL this week, so maybe i will write next week!
here are somethings i love ab SA so far:
the accents!
the beautiful palm trees
our team :)
the lack of humidity
my awesome roomies! christine ashton and sara b
having long quiet times

thats it for now!!!

its about that time...

its about that time.
its friday night, 12:40 AM-I am sitting here in the hotel applying for a job at western carolina, where hopefully (if a get a job!) i will be volunteering with CO next year. How funny it is that I would be applying for a job right before I leave?

Well, tonight I got to have dinner with the whole fam at one of my fav places to eat- it was bittersweet. I think Emily is having alot of responsibility thrown on her at once, then Im here, the fam is here, all that makes is hard to find balance..then we went to the project social, and I wasnt feeling it. All the fun and cheer didnt sink in, I was thinking, tomorrow Ill be gone, this isnt reality yet, all that kinda stuff. But tonight we got back and had family time, a time the whole ccp team gets together and is real with eachother. It made tomorrow alot easier knowing how other people share the same fears and stuff as me.

Right now i am anxious, just want to be there safe. I dont want to get a nosebleed, and I def dont want to crash...so pray for safety!!!!

Getting up at 6:50 is going to be hard...oh yeah, thanks to josh b., he gave me half a suitcase and I was about 2 pounds under in each!!!! :)

In Myrtle Beach...

Well, I decided to start a blog for my time in South Africa! I think it would be cool to really jot down some things that I am doing, what God is teaching me, how things are going, etc. :)

So here I sit. Today is thursday, June 5, and compared to most of my recent days, its pretty relaxing. I'm in a perfect location-on the balcony at our hotel, in the shade, 16 floors up looking out to the beach. It is beautiful! I love summer time and the beach, so Im thankful I get to experience a few days of fun in the sun. Looking out at how far the waters stretch and change from green to deep blue really makes me think of Gods glory and His awesome creation. People look like little toothpicks on the beach, especially compared to the vastness of the sea-I think someday we will all understand just how small we really are. Its cool that we can rejoice and experience Gods creation while here on earth :)

Right now I am feeling alot of different emotions about going to South Africa on Saturday-fear, anticipation, excitement, weariness, to name a few. Its been good to be at Myrtle Beach at the Lp for the past few days, especially just getting to fellowship with alot of students that are going to be room leaders at the Lp this summer. I felt really comfortable there, which is always a fear for me, but honestly, I feel pretty comfortable with most of our CCP team now. Thats one thing that I really want to grow in this summer- identity in Jesus alone!! I am free from the chains of this world, the things that once bound me so tightly arent even relevant, but I struggle to feel freedom in my identity, my personality, gifts, and alot of junk that goes along with that.

The theme for this summer is The End- and of course, the end is Jesus. Were studying colossians, which I have already started and am really really excited about!! I think it will be chalenging for me though, becuase I know that in my heart, I often make other things ends. One thing that stuck with me last night was something Jamie Lightcap said- "as soon as we take our gaze of of Christ our lives go from peace to chaos." How true that is in my own life! I think I trick myself into thinking that one shift of my heart wont change anything, which is so wrong, because those desires lead to sin and sin to death.

Here are a few things you could pray for me this weekend:
good time with the fam (they will be here thurs and fri!)
trust in Christ above myself
calmness and peace on the plane
and some great time with Jesus

Tonight and tomorrow Im going to get to spend some time with mom and dad and kasey, maybe even emily for a bit. Im really excited!! i love my family so much :) Then we will go to the Lp social on friday night, and leave bright and early saturday to go to the airport. I think we have alot of travel time, I know its 18 hrs there!!! But I downloaded 2 episodes of nicktoons old cartonns (doug & as told by ginger) and if you know me, youu know that I love them! So hopefully I will be sleeping, listening to my ipod, and reading, and talking to people...oh yeah, and I am nervous about getting a nose bleed. Hope that wont happen!!

well thats all for now!!! thanks to jrook aka suspender, i have some awesome new tunes to help tell myself the Truth and spur me on :)