There is so much beauty in knowing Christ!! Its crazy- when someone becomes a Christian, they get a completely new heart, a new spirit, a change of EVERYTHING!!! Tonight God gave me a little gift, reminding me who He is, and what He really does....
I took a new believer, who I had barely met, with me somewhere tonight. On the way there, we talked all about God, grace, what it really meant to follow Christ. Not just doing good things, focusing on works, on doing enough service to look like a "good christian", but really trusting not in something, but in someone. In JESUS! In the fact that the work has been done FOR you!! Resting in the truth that works come after faith, not the other way around. Do you remember the moment you first believed?? I dont. But tonight, I realized, these things are huge. These truths ARE truth to me, they are what I have built my life on, and will until the day I die. But, sometimes they grow stale in my heart, cuz I dont really remember what it was like not to have Jesus. What would your life be like without faith!??
I remembered tonight. Talking with this girl, seeing her eyes light up as she talked about God changing her whole life, Jesus being the one thing that could satisfy, saying her whole world was turned upside down, made me remember. I remembered my life BC...the hopelessness, my unsettled heart, searching for truth, too scared and shy to be friends with anyone, the loneliness at Furman, tirelessly trying to earn grace, living for who people thought i was.. and that was her story too. In a way, it took me back to the day I watched Emily sitting on the couch in our den room in north village as she quietly and methodically studied the Bible. I wondered what she was doing. She was so weird to me! The way she dressed had changed, the way she talked, her whole spirit was different..but something was captivating to me. I think thats the day I realized I didnt have that, but I was too scared to talk about it, fearing that I would just never measure up or amount to anything. But, miraculously, God did the same thing in my life! He literally changed all my desires. And i mean ALL of them. He brought me to the LP...to the first time I shared my faith....I could list on and on and on what God has done up to this very moment!! Its really miraculous!!!! Where would I be without Christ? Who would I be?
Tonight as we drove back, she said "I love the song How Great is Our God. Its the song that describes these past 3 weeks...." and to me, I really saw faith like a child. I was reminded again why God has me where He has me. And was so thankful for my salvation, my job, and true saving faith that really leads to radical life change!! Who could this girl be in 4 years!? A missionary? A mom who disciples her kids? A photographer who takes pictures for the glory of God? Something so different than she thought only weeks ago.
I think Im extra thankful for this because lately, my desire has been low. Just on alot of levels. Im sedentary, achey, and really kinda feel left out of life. Feel like alot of my passions are shrinking before my eyes...but God really gave me the gift of remembering salvation, and reminded me why I want to spend the rest of my life telling people about true lasting life!! Praise God for His faithfulness.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Some of my favorite pics from Christmas/now!
Finally me and Em!! This is one of my favorite pics of us when were little. We always wore matching outfits, even if we werent getting our pictures taken. And we hated pictures!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
freedom in surrender
there is real true freedom in surrender. Not just saying that you give up, but GIVING everything up to God.
Im going through alot of thoughts/things in my heart that God is revealing, and time after time, day after day, am finding enough strength for the day to just simply SURRENDER. It is SO HARD for me. Which translates to, Im not very good at it.
I read a book last year, one of my favorite books- Safer Than a Known Way. Its all about Pamela Moore, Corrie Ten Boom's personal assistant. Anyways, alot of things in her life are similar to mine, and honestly, I will forever remember her hopes and dreams, and how God faithfully answered them all- in a way that she did not want. Yet He did it, He brought her to Himself time and time again, in her dry seasons, lows, with unfulfilled longings, with fear....and she said she always
1. surrendered
2. waited on the Lord
3. walked in obedience.
Ive gone back to these things probably a thousand times this past year. Thats what I want to do- and it all starts with SURRENDER.
I have alot of fear in my heart over not being in control of my life, but the reality is, I never had it to begin with. And i gave it all up when I died with Christ.
My prayer honestly is that God would give me grace to surrender. And wait on Him. And walk in obedience. And that I would really decrease. Lose my life for HIM.
Im going through alot of thoughts/things in my heart that God is revealing, and time after time, day after day, am finding enough strength for the day to just simply SURRENDER. It is SO HARD for me. Which translates to, Im not very good at it.
I read a book last year, one of my favorite books- Safer Than a Known Way. Its all about Pamela Moore, Corrie Ten Boom's personal assistant. Anyways, alot of things in her life are similar to mine, and honestly, I will forever remember her hopes and dreams, and how God faithfully answered them all- in a way that she did not want. Yet He did it, He brought her to Himself time and time again, in her dry seasons, lows, with unfulfilled longings, with fear....and she said she always
1. surrendered
2. waited on the Lord
3. walked in obedience.
Ive gone back to these things probably a thousand times this past year. Thats what I want to do- and it all starts with SURRENDER.
I have alot of fear in my heart over not being in control of my life, but the reality is, I never had it to begin with. And i gave it all up when I died with Christ.
My prayer honestly is that God would give me grace to surrender. And wait on Him. And walk in obedience. And that I would really decrease. Lose my life for HIM.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
not putting trust in anything BUT Jesus
Lately I've been faced with the temptation to put my trust in things other than Jesus, in other people, in getting back to normal, in my future, in my self, in having it all together.....the list could go on and on. Circumstantial hope. Thats one way me putting my trust in things or people manifests itself. And lack of joy- because all these things seem to look satisfying in the moment, but in the end, they all lead me to more of myself, more lies, further from Christ.
Sometimes I wish I could just push a button and just automatically trust completely and fully in God, but it doesnt work that way. God puts you through things that you dont like so that you learn to choose Him, and get more of Him, and experience Him, realizing He is all that can really ever truly satisfy you. The other day I spent my time with God talking to Him about ways I dont believe that He is all I need, and just asking Him to help me not trust anything else with all my heart BUT Him! I read some verses that really pricked my heart-
Psalm 146:3
"Dont put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cant save."
Isaiah 2:22
"Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?"
James 4:14
"Why, you dont even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
These things are SO important..where is my trust every single day? In having more time to reflect and rest lately, I've really had to repent of the ways that I become my own anchor in my heart, and I function as my own savior. Or I replace it with someone else, something else, some other end. Right now I know God is giving me these things in my life so that I can learn what it looks like to trust HIm more, trust Him completely, with all my heart for today, not worrying about tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could just push a button and just automatically trust completely and fully in God, but it doesnt work that way. God puts you through things that you dont like so that you learn to choose Him, and get more of Him, and experience Him, realizing He is all that can really ever truly satisfy you. The other day I spent my time with God talking to Him about ways I dont believe that He is all I need, and just asking Him to help me not trust anything else with all my heart BUT Him! I read some verses that really pricked my heart-
Psalm 146:3
"Dont put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cant save."
Isaiah 2:22
"Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?"
James 4:14
"Why, you dont even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
These things are SO important..where is my trust every single day? In having more time to reflect and rest lately, I've really had to repent of the ways that I become my own anchor in my heart, and I function as my own savior. Or I replace it with someone else, something else, some other end. Right now I know God is giving me these things in my life so that I can learn what it looks like to trust HIm more, trust Him completely, with all my heart for today, not worrying about tomorrow.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine's Day!
Jeremiah 31:3
"The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
Tomorrow is Valentine's day! Here are some fun pink pretty pics that remind me of <3's Day!
Ultimately, I am so thankful for God's love for me, that changed me completely. And I'm thankful for fun valentines day things, like 12 hot pink roses from my dad, and hot pink nails! And chic flicks when youre in bed with nothing to do! Which, btw, so far I have watched parts of Mrs. Doubtfire, What Happens in Vegas, The Proposal, Little Giants, 27 Dresses, and That 70s show. Here's one of my fav verses about what God literally has done in my life!!
Ezekiel 36:25-28
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God."
Friday, February 11, 2011
Mono
Well its real. I have mono. I cant believe it, really, I cant. After Daniel, whose also on staff @ FU, had it the entire last semester, I always thought I would die if I got it! Looks like Im still alive.
It all started last Friday...I slept till 2:30 and when I woke up, I felt like I had been run over by a bulldozer. I could barely move! That night I felt like I had the flu, and my throat felt like someone was raking a razorblade over it again and again....I thought I had strep! But, turns out, I have mono. Yep I did have to get the needle and blood taken out :,(
Seems like God has alot to teach me right now, and I really want to be open, listening, and ready to hear from Him. I can honestly say, since I've been totally sedentary since last Friday, when it all started, I've seen so many idols in my life, so many things I've had to repent of, so much of my hard heart....so of course Im going to tell you about a couple of them!
God is revealing to me that I LOVE to have control over everything in my life, and find alot of worth in what I can accomplish on my own, how much I can do. My identity basically is wrapped up in things other than just Jesus. Everyone has these struggles, Gods showing me mine is performing, working, accomplishing. You would think that I might have learned some of that from the flu...what did I do??? Just went right on and forgot it. Lord, help me remember these things and put them into practice. I want to change.
Also, Im learning alot about my relationship with God- how I base it on my time in the word, my time with other people, that I lean on all these things sometimes more than I lean on JESUS! So, I want to learn what it means authentically to search and seek and know Jesus from sitting in a bed, being slightly depressed, and feeling pretty much forgotten by all the people I love to be with. What does it mean to rest? Does God really love me just as much when Im like a slug? YES! Thats the gospel!!!! He does! I'm His! I'm purchased, its finished! Thats so glorious to my soul :) I pray I embrace it, that I draw nearer to Him. That this teaches me what resting in the promises of God looks like, lived out. I have alot of fears/longings that are nagging me and going unfulfilled because of this, but God is in control. I know He gave me this for my holiness.
Proverbs 16- this is the first thing my fingers landed on after I got the call that I had mono...
It all started last Friday...I slept till 2:30 and when I woke up, I felt like I had been run over by a bulldozer. I could barely move! That night I felt like I had the flu, and my throat felt like someone was raking a razorblade over it again and again....I thought I had strep! But, turns out, I have mono. Yep I did have to get the needle and blood taken out :,(
Seems like God has alot to teach me right now, and I really want to be open, listening, and ready to hear from Him. I can honestly say, since I've been totally sedentary since last Friday, when it all started, I've seen so many idols in my life, so many things I've had to repent of, so much of my hard heart....so of course Im going to tell you about a couple of them!
God is revealing to me that I LOVE to have control over everything in my life, and find alot of worth in what I can accomplish on my own, how much I can do. My identity basically is wrapped up in things other than just Jesus. Everyone has these struggles, Gods showing me mine is performing, working, accomplishing. You would think that I might have learned some of that from the flu...what did I do??? Just went right on and forgot it. Lord, help me remember these things and put them into practice. I want to change.
Also, Im learning alot about my relationship with God- how I base it on my time in the word, my time with other people, that I lean on all these things sometimes more than I lean on JESUS! So, I want to learn what it means authentically to search and seek and know Jesus from sitting in a bed, being slightly depressed, and feeling pretty much forgotten by all the people I love to be with. What does it mean to rest? Does God really love me just as much when Im like a slug? YES! Thats the gospel!!!! He does! I'm His! I'm purchased, its finished! Thats so glorious to my soul :) I pray I embrace it, that I draw nearer to Him. That this teaches me what resting in the promises of God looks like, lived out. I have alot of fears/longings that are nagging me and going unfulfilled because of this, but God is in control. I know He gave me this for my holiness.
Proverbs 16- this is the first thing my fingers landed on after I got the call that I had mono...
1 To humans belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.
but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.
2 All a person’s ways seem pure to them,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.
but motives are weighed by the LORD.
3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
and he will establish your plans.
4 The LORD works out everything to its proper end—
even the wicked for a day of disaster.
even the wicked for a day of disaster.
5 The LORD detests all the proud of heart.
Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.
Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.
6 Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the LORD evil is avoided.
through the fear of the LORD evil is avoided.
God, I want pure motives, I want to give you everything I do and trust you for the end results! I want to be the man that fears you. I dont want to trust myself..."there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death..."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Scotty Smith's prayer of weariness
This prayer comes from a pastor named Scotty Smith's blog...he writes like I think, and this is how I feel today. Its 11 pm and I am so tired in every way.
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isa 40:28-31
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isa 40:28-31
"This passage from Isaiah is underlined multiple times in my favorite Bible, and for good reasons. It reminds me that you’re not like me, in so many ways. You never get tired or weary. I do and I am. Accepting limitations, finite-ness and weakness has never been one of my strengths. But I must. Since youths grown tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, why do I think I’m exempt from “running on empty” and hitting a wall?
Right now I look to you for all the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical strength I’ll need to live out the implications of the gospel just today. I’m not depleted, just heading there, but I have no doubts about your great compassion for me in Jesus.
Because Jesus embraced the ultimate weakness and weariness of the cross, I’m confident of your burden bearing love. I may be weary in my servanthood, but I’m thriving in my sonship. Nothing can separate us from your love."
Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)