words that describe how i feel....
depressed
exhausted
weary
i cant believe i am still this tired. i also cant believe alot of other things that i wont write about. God please meet me where i am.
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
Its is good for man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence
for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust-
there may yet be hope."
Lamentations 3
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
this is my life
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
CS Lewis
CS Lewis
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
birds
I didnt take these pictures, but the top one is a blue mountain bird. I've never seen this guy in person but its stunning! Kind of like that periwinkle one that I see except the one I see surprises you with his wings.
Emily and Jake
i love animals!
returning to busyness :(
Why have I not written in so long?
Because my old way of life is creeping back in. And its not okay. Not that I am feeling much better, because in all honesty, Im feeling worse now than 2 weeks ago. But because I am forgetting what its like to rest in the Lord. I'm numbing my heart to my need for rest. My identity is so easily wrapped up in accomplishing, in having a full schedule.
There is a difference in giving way to busyness, and giving your life away out of an overflow of Christ's love. I could write a book about everything I'm learning right now in life, but anyways, I realized 2 things today-
1. I get lost in doing this job, in connecting with people and talking about God and listening to the hearts of others. It really brings you joy and life when you give your life away. I had 4 one on ones today, each awesome, each with different people with different struggles and different personalities and different life stories!
2. Since I have had mono and had to rest more, I've really been able to lose myself in God more, experience Him in ways that I thought I was "too busy" to before. Like a daily walk. You might think its weird, but every day when I take a walk and talk to God, He surprises me with at least 1 beautiful bird every time! Some days more than one, but every day at least one. I'm considering taking up birdwatching as a hobby no lie! My favorite bird so far is a small gray bird that at first appears kind of boring and plump, but when he opens his wings to fly, theyre bright periwinkle, the color of the sky on a summer evening right before a thunderstorm! I cant identify it yet, but its amazing to see, like a splash of color in a tree. I wish I had a picture to post!
Anyways, resting and really experiencing God is so important. I never stop discovering more of the depths of His love, am confused and in awe of grace that is given without doing anything to deserve it! I really want to live life a little slower. I dont want to forget the gift of getting enough sleep, burning a candle while I listen to music and read the Bible, journaling when I need to, taking prayer walks.....all the things that God has really allowed me to experience and live without believing the lie that the more I do, the more valuable I am. I know I want to be faithful to all that God has called me. But because of the cross, He has FREED me from just doing dead works so I can really serve Him!
Emilys having a baby! I am SO EXCITED. Im also a little like.....wow. Im selfish. nothing is about me..I've been single for I think 8 years now? We couldnt be in more different life stages. I always struggle with comparing myself to her, cuz not only is she married, but going to be a mom. Ever since I was like 3, I've wanted to be a mom. Maybe one day. Praise God I get to be an aunt though!!!! Its going to be the cutest baby in the world, and I'll spoil it and love it so much.
I should really write about the trip some of us took to New Orleans over spring break! It was so so refreshing and fun and awesome. I have to put some pics soon!
God is teaching me alot about His sovereignty, waiting on Him, accepting my lot in life, and being thankful. Its alot and its really good.
What should I be when I grow up?! I've been thinking about it lately. I dont know what I want to be! Except for sure radically obeying and living for Jesus and walking by faith, which begins today and everyday cuz that doesnt happen overnight.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for."
Because my old way of life is creeping back in. And its not okay. Not that I am feeling much better, because in all honesty, Im feeling worse now than 2 weeks ago. But because I am forgetting what its like to rest in the Lord. I'm numbing my heart to my need for rest. My identity is so easily wrapped up in accomplishing, in having a full schedule.
There is a difference in giving way to busyness, and giving your life away out of an overflow of Christ's love. I could write a book about everything I'm learning right now in life, but anyways, I realized 2 things today-
1. I get lost in doing this job, in connecting with people and talking about God and listening to the hearts of others. It really brings you joy and life when you give your life away. I had 4 one on ones today, each awesome, each with different people with different struggles and different personalities and different life stories!
2. Since I have had mono and had to rest more, I've really been able to lose myself in God more, experience Him in ways that I thought I was "too busy" to before. Like a daily walk. You might think its weird, but every day when I take a walk and talk to God, He surprises me with at least 1 beautiful bird every time! Some days more than one, but every day at least one. I'm considering taking up birdwatching as a hobby no lie! My favorite bird so far is a small gray bird that at first appears kind of boring and plump, but when he opens his wings to fly, theyre bright periwinkle, the color of the sky on a summer evening right before a thunderstorm! I cant identify it yet, but its amazing to see, like a splash of color in a tree. I wish I had a picture to post!
Anyways, resting and really experiencing God is so important. I never stop discovering more of the depths of His love, am confused and in awe of grace that is given without doing anything to deserve it! I really want to live life a little slower. I dont want to forget the gift of getting enough sleep, burning a candle while I listen to music and read the Bible, journaling when I need to, taking prayer walks.....all the things that God has really allowed me to experience and live without believing the lie that the more I do, the more valuable I am. I know I want to be faithful to all that God has called me. But because of the cross, He has FREED me from just doing dead works so I can really serve Him!
Emilys having a baby! I am SO EXCITED. Im also a little like.....wow. Im selfish. nothing is about me..I've been single for I think 8 years now? We couldnt be in more different life stages. I always struggle with comparing myself to her, cuz not only is she married, but going to be a mom. Ever since I was like 3, I've wanted to be a mom. Maybe one day. Praise God I get to be an aunt though!!!! Its going to be the cutest baby in the world, and I'll spoil it and love it so much.
I should really write about the trip some of us took to New Orleans over spring break! It was so so refreshing and fun and awesome. I have to put some pics soon!
God is teaching me alot about His sovereignty, waiting on Him, accepting my lot in life, and being thankful. Its alot and its really good.
What should I be when I grow up?! I've been thinking about it lately. I dont know what I want to be! Except for sure radically obeying and living for Jesus and walking by faith, which begins today and everyday cuz that doesnt happen overnight.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
always
You can break her down
With your highs and lows
But she's familiar with the sound
The sound you make, every time you go
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Always she waits for you
This holiday she's alone
She leaves the lights on the tree
And though the New Year has come
Every night, they'll stay on for you to see
You've been away too long
But she will choose to believe
And her heart is so strong
It's strong enough, if only it could see
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Every day she waits
And instead you walk away
-Peter Bradley Adams
This is one of my favorite songs ever. To me, its about being let down in life, loneliness, being left by someone or something you love. The girl in this song is faithful and loyal, probably used to being let down, but still waiting and theres a glitter of hope that one day her life will be one complete piece. Its kind of sad, but so real about a heart that waits. Always..when I think of that word, I think of consistently, persevering, always.
I love Peter Bradley Adams songs, for some reason they speak right to my emotions and feelings and I can just listen to them on shuffle. They might be real deep but he puts words to feelings.
Today Im going to see PBA live with Emily! I honestly cannot wait ;}
"God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
1 Cor 1:9
With your highs and lows
But she's familiar with the sound
The sound you make, every time you go
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Always she waits for you
This holiday she's alone
She leaves the lights on the tree
And though the New Year has come
Every night, they'll stay on for you to see
You've been away too long
But she will choose to believe
And her heart is so strong
It's strong enough, if only it could see
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Always she waits for you
Always
Every day she waits
And instead you walk away
-Peter Bradley Adams
This is one of my favorite songs ever. To me, its about being let down in life, loneliness, being left by someone or something you love. The girl in this song is faithful and loyal, probably used to being let down, but still waiting and theres a glitter of hope that one day her life will be one complete piece. Its kind of sad, but so real about a heart that waits. Always..when I think of that word, I think of consistently, persevering, always.
I love Peter Bradley Adams songs, for some reason they speak right to my emotions and feelings and I can just listen to them on shuffle. They might be real deep but he puts words to feelings.
Today Im going to see PBA live with Emily! I honestly cannot wait ;}
"God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful."
1 Cor 1:9
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