Rest

Well, its very late at night, and I am trying to rest. Rest.  I feel like I am never caught up on rest...and there are alot of reasons for that-

one being, I look to the wrong things for rest. Often when I need to rest, its not just physical, but emotional and spiritual rest are so needed, especially when so many people literally come to me for answers, and spiritual guidance.

two is, Im an introvert, but I've been living like an extrovert. Basically, I havent been giving myself enough time with God and alone to meet my needs.

Today, I read Matt 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 
He says to come to Him, that is JESUS. Come to a person. Not a computer, hobby, friend, tv, exercise, phone.....but to God Himself, Jesus. And He says we will get rest. It will be given... 


I think this goes very deep for me, because often I need a peace about my soul, that everything is taken care of, and because I feel burdens deeply and am a people pleaser, its even more important for me to really do this- come to Jesus with everything. 


He is where our needs are met, and the only one that can truly give us deep lasting rest. Resting in the promises of God and resting in the knowledge that my salvation, my lot in life, is secure, it is finished.

what ive been doing since the flu.

reading about Helen Roseveare's life..

                                                             watching Clueless

eating Cheese puffs & drinking diet cherry limeades..

   And borrowing Lynn's season 1 of Desperate Housewives, my favorite show while support raising.

Flu.

After going to the Alive conference for 5 days, which was AWESOME by the way, I knew I was getting the flu. On the long 12 hr bus ride home, I felt exactly like I did on the day of Emily's wedding, it was unforgettable. Sure enough, I had influenza A.


Having the flu has taught me alot about myself and about my relationship with God, which have honestly not been that easy to learn :(
Ive seen how....
I value busyness, and find my value in it
I base my worth not on WHOSE I am, but more on WHAT I do. This can only lead to an emotional roller coaster and discontentment in the end...no wonder I felt slightly down all week.
I have an entitled spirit. I want things when I want them, and lack patience in the work that God is doing in me.

There are alot more that I can think of, but.....yeah. Thats true of me. Theres not a quick fix, but accepting that who I am now is not who I will be, and who I am at this moment is not who I will be even next year.

Why can I say that??? because of sanctification. The process thats going on where God is making me more like Jesus daily. Basically, He's making me more set apart. Maybe I dont notice it daily, but I can tell you that last year at this time I am not who I am today, and thats really really awesome.

Since Ive been sick, I think, even though this verse doesnt directly relate, it speaks to me of my disgusting self reliance : "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2 Cor 1:9


My prayer is that my heart would not give into these natural tendencies to rely on self and find worth apart from Christ. But, it has to start with You, God, softening the crispy edges of my hard heart to Your will, and let me be willing to surrender. Its hard to surrender, but its really the only way.